Pregnancy, labour, childbirth, & miscarriage…
Recently you may have seen the article from Naomi Schaefer Riley of The New York Post in which she states that pregnant women are not Goddeses and should not be revered or venerated for their body “just doing what its supposed to!”, that pregnancy is the furthest thing from a miracle that you’ll ever find. To this woman I say a big fat FUCK RIGHT OFF! Yes each and every pregnant woman is a walking miracle, deal with it. Like seriously, what happened in your life that you cannot see the beauty & divinty in such a thing? This is so sad to me. The fact that a seed can turn into a tree is a miracle too. As is the fact that trees create air for us to breathe. The fact that our planet sustains the perfect conditions that mean ANY kind of life can exist here is a miracle, its all miraculous.
She also states that we all don’t understand what “miracle” actually means, because don’t you know she’s the only one who understands words and is completely qualified therefore to tell us whether or not we are understanding words correctly.
I have pictured the Oxford dictionary’s definition of a miracle. Even going by the first definition, pregnancy is still a miracle. Yeah, sure, we know sperm hits egg and then given all the right factors it grows into a human. Or if its animals then it grows into an animal. If a seed is pollinated it will grow into a plant. Sure, we “know” the steps scientifically, that this occurs. But why it occurs, that is a miraculous mystery. Have you seen a video of a seed sprouting & growing? Its phenomenal, its something that was not there before appearing. But its also made up of everything that ever was, That’s a fucking miracle! “We are stardust” and all that jazz!
Does anyone else love Call The Midwife? Most Sunday evenings I usher the children upstairs at 7.55pm so I can sit down and watch it. Each episode reminds me in its own way how miraculous it really is that my children magically are here, through all the odds that pregnancy brings, they are here!
When I became pregnant with my first child, my daughter, I didn’t know what to expect. Nobody does the first time. I bought all the books, read all the mommy forums, compared baby products, looked at birthing videos. I suffered Hyperemisis Gravidarum , in other words I puked for 9months solid. I was hospitalized several times, dehydrated, feeling half dead, and yet the body continued to perfectly grow a human. I gave birth to her in a perfect, uncomplicated vaginal birth. When she was 4months old I fell pregnant again, with my son. I also had hyperemisis during that pregnancy, though thankfully it eased somewhat around the 8th month. I am rhesus negative, for those of you that don’t know what that is, here’s a diagram!!
Basically, you’re ok in your first pregnancy carrying a positive blood baby, but subsequent positive blood babies are a bit trickier. Your body develops antibodies to the positive blood after giving birth and can then attack the second pregnancy. There is an “anti-d” injection you are given after the birth to try to assure this doesn’t happen. But the injection is not fool proof…
In my second pregnancy, they found 0.04something antibodies in my bloods. My doctor said this was very low levels and would not usually have been brought to her attention but as it had that we would treat it with the same severity as full blown rh-sensitization. This means extra ante-natal visits. The pregnancy progressed problem free, with the exception of the hyperemisis. It was insisted upon that I have labour induced in case the placenta failed, which happens in rh-sensitized pregnancies. I gave birth, with difficulty. My son was head first, yes, but he was facing the wrong way. They had to cut me, a lot, and help him out with forceps. They put him on my chest for a moment and then whisked him over to clear his airways, which I know now was a sign that perhaps the placenta wasn’t in great shape. When it came time to deliver the placenta it didn’t come. When I gave birth to daughter the placenta slid out like jelly/jello. A big perfect sphere. The midwife rummaged through it, telling us it was a placenta to be proud of, absolutely flawless…..but not this time.
This time they sewed up my perenium, then whisked me off to surgery, where a surgeon shoved her ENTIRE HAND into my womb and pulled out the placental shards (I don’t actually know if it was literally her entire hand, but it felt like it was, and seemed like it was, and forever in my memory Shall be her entire hand).
Happy ending, there’s not a bother on him!! Hes almost 8years old and hes the best boy in the world. My point is, I did the right thing in both pregnancies and they had completely different outcomes. And when my children were 3 & 4years old, I fell pregnant again. Firstly, let me say, I was terrified at the prospect of a third kid. To all you parents of more than two kids, Well fricking done! How do you have time to even formulate a thought, you absolute hero!!
Well, I had done all the right things, had the anti-d after my son’s birth, went to the doctor very early in this 3rd pregnancy so it could be well monitored. At 8weeks I had bleeding…anyone who has been pregnant for any amount of time will tell you that this is the most horrific emotional feeling. Your baby is inside you and you cannot protect it, what a fucking mindfuck! I was sent for an internal ultrasound, all was well, the pregnancy was “viable”. This was Nov. Because the 12week mark fell over Christmas, my 12week hospital check up & ultrasound happened when I was 15weeks and 5 days pregnant, in Jan. I went through all the motions at the appointment, had midwives take my blood pressure, test my urine, check all the things, and each one commented on my file saying “wow you lost lots of blood in your last delivery”. Turns out 500cc is the highest blood loss in a vaginal birth and I lost way more than that. But I digress…it came to the last part of the appointment, where you meet a doctor from your team of doctors, one of which will supposedly deliver your baby (which rarely happens). She checked over everything again, all happy and chipper, commenting on how this was my third so I’ll sail through it all. She told me to get up on the bed. She continued chatting while she put the cold gel on my belly and began the scan.
Lets take a moment to remember that I was 15 weeks & 5 days pregnant, and having had 2 children, I knew that the ultrasound screen should be full with a very obvious baby figure….but this was not the case..there was an almost baby-like splodge, like what you would see in a ten week scan, but distorted. This young doctor nearly died in the spot, this clearly being the first time the so called “non-miracle” had not gone to plan in.one of her appointments! She ran out to get a grown-up doctor. This next doctor was wonderful. She walked in like a calm breeze, took one look at the screen, looked at me and said “You have two children?” I blankly replied yes, absolutely shellshocked, blank expression eyes looking but no longer seeing,the whole world was on pause. She continued, “Then you know what you should see at this point of the pregnancy…” Again, I replied simply “Yes”.
She said more things, they were perfect in the moment, kind but not pitying. She empowered me by reminding me how lucky I was to have successfully had two children, that now I can see how precious and miraculous their existence is. A DOCTOR said these things. She sees it everyday. She is not desensitized to the wonder.
Our third baby had died at about 12weeks into the pregnancy. This is called a missed or silent miscarriage. The baby dies but the body continues on as if the pregnancy is progressing. Even the fundus continued to grow weekly. When a miscarriage is silent, the body begins to break down the pregnancy and absorb it, excuse the description but this is how the doc described it to me. I was given medication to induce miscarriage and that took weeks to pass.
Long story short, awful experience, but one that opened my eyes to how absolutely, positively astounding it is that any one of us came to be! How tragic it must be for those that want a child and all the factors just don’t come together. How arrogant and completely blind of this woman to state that pregnancy and childbirth is anything less than an amazing, wonderful miracle. And just to throw into the mix, I think Beyonce looked stunning at the grammys, and basically this entire article is based on an argument which arose from being pissed off that a pregnant woman had the audacity to allow herself be styled in glitz and rock a performance, which is her Job by the way, this writer wrote about how it is glorifying pregnancy in a way that “only your husband should glorify”. I mean, get a grip. She did her fucking job, she happened to look fabulous doing it. And that’s ok. She, like many women, is proud and amazed at what her body can do and is doing and feels the need to document that, why is that wrong? We all know shes not fabulous at home. At home shes makeup off, hair up messy, in pjs or slouchy soft clothes like all women preggers or not!! So stop berating a person for enjoying and embracing the wonder of life!
That’s my two cents!
Til next time,
Mai. xxx 💗🙏😘👸💗